I Finally Realized I Was Dating A Complete Psychopath

John was a rebound boyfriend that I had after my very difficult breakup with my former boyfriend of four years, Mike. I started going out with my friends a lot after my break up and was out at a bar one night when he and I hit it off. At first he seemed amazing. He said everything a girl wants to hear and did everything a girl wants done. He cooked for me, called me beautiful, took me out places, and seemed happy all the time. A month into the relationship he told me he loved me. I thought it to be a little soon and didn’t say it back right away. This upset him greatly so I started to feel obligated to say it. Then as time went on I thought I felt it. As the relationship progressed, things started to change. He began setting boundaries, getting mad when I hung out with guy friends, and made me feel guilty for anything I did. After Mike and I had broken up we remained friends and actually became closer than we ever were. We shared a storage unit together and had to deal with that from time to time. I was very open with my communication with guys in front of John at first because I had nothing to hide. Then one day he confronted me about it and told me he didn’t like me talking to my ex and that I needed to stop. I reassured him there was nothing going on and nothing to worry about. Mike had called me one day in regards to our storage unit. I thought nothing of it, but John asked to use my phone one night, and ended up going through it and saw that I spoke to Mike. He freaked out and told me that I seriously need to stop talking to him or else we are through. Mike and I had been friends for nearly ten years and dated for four of those years. I did not want to throw away our friendship for someone I had just met. So I started hiding the fact that I talked to him. I went against everything I believed in. One night after I fell asleep John went through my phone again and saw Mike and I had talked on the phone that day. He completely lost it!! He woke me up screaming and freaking out. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. He ended up in the corner of the room in a fetal position rocking back and forth crying. I didn’t know what to do. It was the middle of the night and I was mentally sleeping still. He told me to get the hell out of his house so I started packing up my stuff. He then freaked out and asked me what the hell I thought I was doing. From there on out things got worse and worse until I finally had had enough. I broke up with him over Thanksgiving break when I had gone home for vacation because he accused me of sleeping with all of my guy friends while I was there. I never knew just how crazy things were going to become.

When I got back into town John blew up my phone. He called me 56 times in one night alone. I then
found out he was stalking me and sitting outside of my house to make sure I didn’t have anyone over.
He would tell me things he saw me doing and people he saw me with. I was looking over my shoulder every chance I got. He sent me nasty emails, text messages, and voicemails. One time he left me a voicemail saying I needed to go to the doctor to get myself checked because I gave him something. I called him back to find out what he was talking about and asked what it was exactly I gave him. The disease he said I gave him I had gotten an immunization for before starting college. When I told him it was impossible for me to have it because I got the shot protecting me from it he started laughing and said “Now you know what it’s like to worry. It’s not fun is it?” At that very moment I began blocking him from every form of technology possible. Apparently when it comes to dealing with a psycho that is not enough. He started contacting my friends and family and harassing them as well. It seriously felt as if I was one step closer to having my head put in a freezer.

Luckily, he eventually found another girl to distract his time with and slowly started to leave me alone. I then moved back home and contact from him ceased altogether. I was finally done with him... or so I thought. A year later he created another Facebook account that I didn’t have blocked and started contacting me again apologizing for everything. He went on and on telling me how sorry he was that he let me go. That I was the best thing that ever happened to him and that he is kicking himself in the ass that it took him this long to see it. He said  the way he acted when we were together wasn’t the real him and that he let his insecurities get in the way of his judgment. He told me that I deserve nothing short of amazing when I find the lucky guy who wins my heart. It became very laughable and a great form of entertainment. It was really all a bunch of mumbo jumbo that I honestly couldn’t care less to listen to. So I blocked that Facebook account. Then he created another and another and I blocked them all.

While in the relationship things honestly didn’t look as bad as they really were. For some reason I could not find the strength to walk away as early as I should have. He brainwashed me right off the bat. I never believed in the possibility of brainwashing until I actually went through it. After I broke free from his insanity and got the chance to look back on what I went through I cringe. I have, however, become stronger and more knowledgeable from the experience and because of that I do not regret it.  

Lesson: If you see early warning signs of the crazy,  it's probably safe to assume you're right and run like hell in the other direction.

Top 10 Best Break Up Songs

Boy and girl meet. They hang out all the time. They start falling in love. Somewhere down the line things just change for the worse. Break-ups, we've all been there at one point in time. Break-ups for me is a lot like death. I go through many stages of mourning until I can finally say I'm over it (and sadly, sometimes you never are actually "over it," you just learn to function without it). In my first stage I tend to listen to super depressing songs. Of course every song you hear reminds you of that one person. That person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with. Love em or leave em, here's my top 10 songs I listen to during a Break-Up.  Enjoy.

10.Dashboard Confessional - Screaming Infidelities

9. Swirl 360 - Okay

8. Social Distortion - Writing On The Wall

7. A Day To Remember - If It Means A Lot To You

I think when he sings the line, "I swear I'll never be happy again, and don't you dare say we can just be friends I'm not some boy that you can sway. We knew it'd would happen eventually," my heart just breaks.


6. Elvis Costello - I Want You

Great song but listening to this when you're really down it just bad news.


5. Keith Urban - You'll Think Of Me

4. the Cure - Pictures Of You

3. Bon Iver - Can't Make You Love Me/ Nick Of Time
Bonnie Raitt cover

2. Mayday Parade - Miserable At Best

1. Gavin Mikhail - Skinny Love
Bon Iver cover

There is something about the way he sings this that gets me every time. Once he goes off I lose it. Eyes instantly water. The last "break-up" I had I played this on repeat for days. I still play it when I'm upset.

Top 10 Romantic Movies to Cuddle Up To.

Oh that gap between Halloween and Christmas. What to do what to do?  The leaves are turning brown, hot sweaty short shorts weather drops, warm blankets are dug out of the closet. This is the time of year when all those singles start shacking up. Relying on close snuggling with one another to stay warm in the dropping temperatures. I, for one, have been looking forward to this for months. So grab your guy/girl, a nice bottle of wine and curl up on the couch for some good ol' cuddling and movie time. Here's our top 10 picks for the most romantic movies!

10. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 

It's a classic tale. Guy meets girl. They quickly fall in love. Heartbreak. Girl erases guy from memory? Wait what? At one point in time, I'm sure many of us have wished something like this actually existed. How would a movie about such heartache, that makes you want to kill yourself through half of it, make it into my list?  While our main character (played by the amazing Jim Carrey) discovers his ex girlfriend had him erased from her memory he decides he's going to do the same. During the process, however, they start erasing the memories of the moments the two of them shared while falling in love. Before all the fighting and hatred was this amazing relationship; a reminder of why we fall in love with someone to begin with. He tried desperately to hold onto her the best he could. Fade to black. There's something about two people just destined to be together that pulls on my little heart strings.

9. Pretty In Pink

 The high school nobody that lands the popular jock. Of course you see this in a movie because it doesn't happen in real life. Well at least not until after you graduate and your once dorky looks and awkward body are now pretty damn nice.  Suck on that one, Jordan! Who's flat chested now?!!!!  Sorry. Anyways... back to the Brat Pack. This movie is cute and funny and who doesn't love Ducky and his desperately sad longing for Andie? A night in well spent.

8. Bull Durham

A movie that mixes love and baseball? IN! Now I wouldn't mind being in a love triangle with two ball players, but only if their names were David Wright and Jake Arrieta. yum.

7. Bonnie and Clyde

What small town kinda gal wouldn't love to be picked up by a bad ass rebel and thrust into a life of  romantic excitement?  Bonnie and Clyde had a connection from the start. So passionate and infatuated with one another until the tragic end. If you're going to go out, you may as well go out while gazing into the eyes of the one you love in a hail of bullets. 

6. Say Anything

God the 80's did it best. Music, RomCom's and the sweet hair do's. Okay, so John Cusack may make me want to punch babies every time he opens his mouth, but he's more tolerable in this. Diane was a girl that did it all right. Valedictorian in high school, fellowship in Europe; parents dream. Then she meets young Lloyd, a rambling man with no huge life long goals or dreams. Yeah, daddy no like. After some ups and downs (and IRS issues) our leading lady has to make some decisions. Okay blah blah on the movie. The only scene that makes me do a typical girl "awwwwww" thing is that magic moment where "In Your Eyes" blast through that boombox. 100 minutes? Well worth it.

5. Titanic

Rich or poor  you can't escape love. 

I still remember having to hear that Celine Dion song over and over again on the radio. The girls leaving the theater crying their eyes out wishing some guy loved them enough to stay in that freezing water. (I still think Rose should've moved her fat ass enough for both of them to fit on the floating door). This movie shows the ladies what real chivalry is. A time when guys didn't think romance was a Dutch Oven in bed at night. No no. A real man would go above and beyond to show you how much he cared no matter the obstacles.

4. Love Affair 

We see it in so many movies of today. You meet someone, fall in love and then something separates you, but fear not, you're going to meet at some specified time in the future. Well this is the movie they ALL ripped it from. Michel meets American singer Terry. Although the two are engaged they just can't stop their feelings. They agree to meet at one of the most romantic places... the Empire State building (don't knock it unless you've been there. It's amazing). Now of course, things can't always go the way we would like them to. I would usually spoil the ending and assume you all have seen this, but I know many of you probably haven't and I think this should be done with your boo STAT!. 

3. Brokeback Mountain

Why does love only have to be between the men and women? On this site, we're all about people expressing, believing and fucking whomever the hell they would like to!!  Plus I have seen movies of men and women where their love couldn't even touch this. The connection and love the two of them shared was just amazing. I wish I had someone that felt a fraction for me the way Jack felt about Ennis. Their love was forbidden and they didn't let it stop them... well it stopped Jack in the end but I don't want to talk about it because I may cry again.

2. The Notebook

Man, where do I even begin with this one? Oh yeah, Ryan Gosling. Probably hands down the most perfect man alive. I mean come on! He plays piano, rescues women in the street, and don't get me started on those abs! (hold on. I need a moment please) Phew okay now back to the movie...   We all hear about "love at first sight."  We all want to be loved and find the perfect person for us. The one that will love us until the day we die. Noah and Allie fell in love, were separated and then were reunited by chance. This movie shows that true love doesn't just disappear; it stays there forever.  I can only hope that I too will on day find that someone. That someone to grow old with. That someone that will sit with me on a daily basis and make sure that we have that one last moment of 'true love' before we pass. (okay guys, if you decide to watch this with your lady you better be prepared to be compared to him and step up your game a bit).

1. Casablanca

"Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine."

One of my favorite movies of all time. Oh damn us women. We just break hearts over and over again. Poor Rick finds the love of his life and loses her only to have her thrown back into it. All of these emotions hidden so deep inside just bottling up to the surface. It sucks losing the one you love. What sucks more? Seeing them in the arms of someone else. Even more? Sending them away to live out the rest of their lives in happiness while you are left at an airport with nothing. 

 

"Here's looking at you, kid"

Love, Anonymous.

Can We Be Friends?

While on my way to work this morning, I was listening to the radio and they were talking about men and women having friends of the opposite sex while being in a relationship. When I first heard this I had an immediate response; of course guys and girls can be friends with opposite genders. Why not? But after a few minutes and hearing some of these stories I stood slightly undecided. I, myself, have a lot of male friends that I enjoy hanging out with. Some of which I have known for over 10 years. So when i think about them and hanging out I don’t see anything wrong with it. Then I started to think about the guy I’m dating. He also has a ton of female friends. Some of which I know well and like a lot and others I’ve never met or even heard of. He gets a text here, a call there, but they never actually meet up and go out together (which may be why I have no issues about it). To be completely honest, I’ve not really had to deal with him going out alone with the girls we mutually know either. So i don’t really know how I would actually feel about it. But how far is too far? What is acceptable to do in a relationship and what isn’t?  One of the stories I heard today was of a man who had sent flowers to a woman he worked with. He got caught and swore nothing was going on. They were just close friends and he knew she was going through a rough patch and was trying to do something nice for her.  Acceptable or not?

Now the guy I’m dating is in the “industry.” And as many of you know, being in the “industry” means a lot of dinner and drink meetings with people. Sometimes with people you barely even know, which I’ve been told, feels similar to going out on a first date. This is something I’ve not had to deal with before while dating someone but he’s always been super honest with me about it. He let’s me know who it’s with and what it’s for. I don’t even have to ask. So therefore I feel I don’t have to worry.

I decided today to ask a few of my friends about it and people were mixed. Some agreed with me that you should always let your partner know and others felt that there’s no need to have to share that information with them. It’s their own prerogative to go out with whomever they wish and their significant other has no say.

This led me to another question...
If you tell your other that you are “going out with a friend” when in actuality you are just going out with one friend who is a member of the opposite sex to avoid the interrogation is it a lie? You did say you were going out with a friend but you neglected to say that friend was a certain gender. And when hanging out when does it cross the line? Going to dinner alone? Watching a movie at the house? Club? Party? Daily texts or emails, IM'ing all day?  

I  talked to a friend of mine today (a guy) about girls hanging out alone with “guy friends” and  I held my ground with the argument of, “I don’t want to hook up with them and would never let anything happen so what does it matter?” He said something to me that made me understand it a little better, “all guys, no matter if you place them in the friend only zone or not, only think with one part of their body. If given the chance they WILL fuck you. Whether it ruins a friendship or not. They don’t just hang out to hang out. It’s never as innocent as you may think it is or wish it was.” So now I can understand a little bit of where the jealousy comes from. But him saying that just makes me wonder now... if my guy wants to hang out with a “friend” is that all that’s going through his head too?  Thoughts?

Love, 

Anonymous

Top 10 Sexiest Halloween Costumes!

Oh it's that special time of year again. That wonderful time when children go begging for candy, the leaves are turning beautiful colours and women all over the world are dressing up like giant skanks. Of course we all know the rule; this is the day of the year where women can dress this way and totally get away with it without judgement. (well mainly no judgement)

Everyone has their different ideas of what sexy is. Well here's our list. See what you think...

10.Sin City

Who doesn't remember Jessica Alba all sweaty dancing it up? Guy or girl it got your blood flowing. Just make sure you got the body and moves to go with it!



9.  Wonder Woman

Hot Hot Hot. What guy doesn't dream of being rescued by a sexy super hero in a tight top and booty shorts? Oh and did I mention she has a whip? Oh I'm sorry nerds, a magic lasso. 

8. Sexy Pirate

 

Arr there she blows! Or at least you boys will wish she was.

7. Ninja Babe Turtle

Okay, so maybe it's a little nerdy but so what. I think it's hot!!. Sure some of you guys would say "go with April O'Neil" but no. I think this is enough to get me going. 

6.Baseball Player

Describe the perfect woman? A girl that likes beer and sports! Well here's one for you guys. Meet a girl like this, buy her a few drinks and maybe you too will go all the way home. 

5. Nurse

um yeah I think I have a fever. Let's see anyone turn down a girl in this to fluff their pillows and give them a sponge bath.

4.  Mortal Combat Kitana

Oh come on guys. Don't act like when you played Mortal Combat in your early teen boner popping years that you didn't wish just once a sword would knock off this lethal Asian hotties top. Well now you get to see the life sized version. Let's just hope an announcer will end the night saying "finish him"

 

 

3. Cop

Breaking the law!!!  Where do we sign up? Who doesn't want a bad ass woman dominating them?
And more importantly who doesn't want a bad ass woman with handcuffs dominating them?


2. Sexy School Girl

Of course we have to have this one here. Always a favorite with the men. Good girls gone bad. If the girls looked and dressed more like this in high school I bet the guys would've had perfect attendance.


1.  Nun

Forgive me father for I have sinned... or at least come Halloween night I plan on  doing a lot of it.

Not Even Time Can Fix Some Things

I’ve known my friend, we’ll call him Max, since I was 16. Max was quite
a bit older than I was, but as I grew up, we became closer.  (I feel
like I have to preface this story, with nothing physical ever happened
between us. Ever. )

Now that that is out of the way, for the past 9 years, I have had this
man in and out of my life. We’ve gone through fights where we’ve
yelled, cried, and even stopped speaking for an extended period of
time. For 9 years, this man has been one of my absolute best friends.
He has seen my ups and downs, and my trials and tribulations. He has
been there through my fights with my parents,  boyfriends, and
friends. Our friendship will forever remain in a special place
in my heart for the things that we have shared.

However, when is the point, when the last fight you have, is just one
too many? When the words that come out of their mouth is just too much
for you to handle? When they take zero responsibility for the things
they have said, and try to turn it around on you, for it just to be
too much?

When do you realize, that as much as you love someone, you can’t love
them in the way that they need? How do you just give up someone you
have known for so long?  Is there a way to get over that kind of loss?

I still don’t have the answer to many of these. Or any of them, for
that matter.


What I do know: Our friendship and connection will never be found in
another soul. The talks we had, the experiences we shared – I know,
that I will never have with anyone else.

I figured as time went by, and he and I stopped talking, that
eventually I would realize that he and I together, were just not a
good combination. But how can you say that, when this person was
your best friend for so long? Our friendship/relationship was based
around music. There are songs to this day, that when hearing, all I
can do, is pick up the phone, and want to text him a line.

But then. I remember. I put the phone down.

I have to constantly remember the things he said to me, and not put
myself back in that situation. I need to remind myself that I deserve friends who will treat
me better and the way I deserve to be treated.


There are parts of my soul and my life, that no one will ever know, as
well as he does. Nor do I feel like telling a story can communicate
the things that I went through.  So many times, I took him back in to
my life, knowing the pain it would eventually cause me. Knowing that
our friendship had reached its expiration date. I loved this man more
dearly, and intensely, than I can put into words.

He has a son, who I watched grow up. His son is autistic, and I was
one of the few people he would allow to carry him, hold his hand, and
interact with.  For all of the other flaws that he has, he is one of
the most amazing parents I have ever seen. When the three of us were
out together, people thought we were a family. And, honestly, we were.

So, when is enough, enough? When do you cut the cord, and, do you ever recover?
If I find out, I’ll let you know….

Skeez, if you’re out there, this is for you
“But now I realize forever that you're my friend
No matter what you will never leave me to fend
I don't know much but I know we will be
As happy as a 1950's TV family
Except times infinity”

Love, Anonymous

True Love Isn't For Everyone…Or Is It?

I don't want to start this post out as a cynic, but I am. The older I get, the more I’m beginning to realize that true love may not be for everyone. Many get the opportunity to enrich and share their lives with that one special person, while others spend their lives in a sailboat waiting to reel in their biggest catch.

Love is that intense feeling of deep affection that most people yearn for in their lives. Who wouldn’t want this? Whether it comes from our family, friends, profession or partner – love is that one thing we all want at the end of the day. Even greater than love is finding that one true love – that person who will forever take your breath away and in-turn move mountains for you. Fairy tale descriptions aside, finding true love is finding your partner, your best friend, the person who you can drink slurpee’s with until your brain can’t handle any more freezes.

Beginning at conception and continuing into my adult life, love was constantly felt from my family and friends. In fact, I fell in love for the first time at 17. What I thought was true love ended up fading three years later – partly due to our immaturity and differences in life. Since then, I haven’t found that mutual love that many around me have.

As the years continue to pass me by, I’ve seen so many of my dearest family members and friends experience that one true love that I’ve always hoped to attain. Granted, some of those relationships haven’t all worked out, but the love was there and didn’t go unnoticed. With each new relationship, I’ve become that much more hopeful that my time is waiting for me just around the corner. However in the past year, I’ve begun to think that maybe we aren’t all meant to fall in love. Too many disappointments and heartbreaks have crumbled my faith and left me with little hope.

We all are dealt a different hand of cards and who’s to say that your hand has the queen of hearts in it? Odds are, it may not. Our lives have the ability to encompass many great things, but perhaps some people are just not meant to fall in love. Maybe I’m just not meant to experience true love.

A dear friend recently told me to stop running and evaluate my life. What mistakes have I made, what changes should I make, what will help shape me into the person I hope to be by 30? Many of these questions remain uncertain, but the running path has cleared too much for me to stop running; true love just isn’t for everyone.

The realist in me believes this to be the true. Albeit, the dreamer in me hopes the realist trips over and falls, leaving the dreamer to prevail.

Love,

Anonymous