I’ve known my friend, we’ll call him Max, since I was 16. Max was quite
a bit older than I was, but as I grew up, we became closer. (I feel
like I have to preface this story, with nothing physical ever happened
between us. Ever. )
Now that that is out of the way, for the past 9 years, I have had this
man in and out of my life. We’ve gone through fights where we’ve
yelled, cried, and even stopped speaking for an extended period of
time. For 9 years, this man has been one of my absolute best friends.
He has seen my ups and downs, and my trials and tribulations. He has
been there through my fights with my parents, boyfriends, and
friends. Our friendship will forever remain in a special place
in my heart for the things that we have shared.
However, when is the point, when the last fight you have, is just one
too many? When the words that come out of their mouth is just too much
for you to handle? When they take zero responsibility for the things
they have said, and try to turn it around on you, for it just to be
too much?
When do you realize, that as much as you love someone, you can’t love
them in the way that they need? How do you just give up someone you
have known for so long? Is there a way to get over that kind of loss?
I still don’t have the answer to many of these. Or any of them, for
that matter.
What I do know: Our friendship and connection will never be found in
another soul. The talks we had, the experiences we shared – I know,
that I will never have with anyone else.
I figured as time went by, and he and I stopped talking, that
eventually I would realize that he and I together, were just not a
good combination. But how can you say that, when this person was
your best friend for so long? Our friendship/relationship was based
around music. There are songs to this day, that when hearing, all I
can do, is pick up the phone, and want to text him a line.
But then. I remember. I put the phone down.
I have to constantly remember the things he said to me, and not put
myself back in that situation. I need to remind myself that I deserve friends who will treat
me better and the way I deserve to be treated.
There are parts of my soul and my life, that no one will ever know, as
well as he does. Nor do I feel like telling a story can communicate
the things that I went through. So many times, I took him back in to
my life, knowing the pain it would eventually cause me. Knowing that
our friendship had reached its expiration date. I loved this man more
dearly, and intensely, than I can put into words.
He has a son, who I watched grow up. His son is autistic, and I was
one of the few people he would allow to carry him, hold his hand, and
interact with. For all of the other flaws that he has, he is one of
the most amazing parents I have ever seen. When the three of us were
out together, people thought we were a family. And, honestly, we were.
So, when is enough, enough? When do you cut the cord, and, do you ever recover?
If I find out, I’ll let you know….
a bit older than I was, but as I grew up, we became closer. (I feel
like I have to preface this story, with nothing physical ever happened
between us. Ever. )
Now that that is out of the way, for the past 9 years, I have had this
man in and out of my life. We’ve gone through fights where we’ve
yelled, cried, and even stopped speaking for an extended period of
time. For 9 years, this man has been one of my absolute best friends.
He has seen my ups and downs, and my trials and tribulations. He has
been there through my fights with my parents, boyfriends, and
friends. Our friendship will forever remain in a special place
in my heart for the things that we have shared.
However, when is the point, when the last fight you have, is just one
too many? When the words that come out of their mouth is just too much
for you to handle? When they take zero responsibility for the things
they have said, and try to turn it around on you, for it just to be
too much?
When do you realize, that as much as you love someone, you can’t love
them in the way that they need? How do you just give up someone you
have known for so long? Is there a way to get over that kind of loss?
I still don’t have the answer to many of these. Or any of them, for
that matter.
What I do know: Our friendship and connection will never be found in
another soul. The talks we had, the experiences we shared – I know,
that I will never have with anyone else.
I figured as time went by, and he and I stopped talking, that
eventually I would realize that he and I together, were just not a
good combination. But how can you say that, when this person was
your best friend for so long? Our friendship/relationship was based
around music. There are songs to this day, that when hearing, all I
can do, is pick up the phone, and want to text him a line.
But then. I remember. I put the phone down.
I have to constantly remember the things he said to me, and not put
myself back in that situation. I need to remind myself that I deserve friends who will treat
me better and the way I deserve to be treated.
There are parts of my soul and my life, that no one will ever know, as
well as he does. Nor do I feel like telling a story can communicate
the things that I went through. So many times, I took him back in to
my life, knowing the pain it would eventually cause me. Knowing that
our friendship had reached its expiration date. I loved this man more
dearly, and intensely, than I can put into words.
He has a son, who I watched grow up. His son is autistic, and I was
one of the few people he would allow to carry him, hold his hand, and
interact with. For all of the other flaws that he has, he is one of
the most amazing parents I have ever seen. When the three of us were
out together, people thought we were a family. And, honestly, we were.
So, when is enough, enough? When do you cut the cord, and, do you ever recover?
If I find out, I’ll let you know….
Skeez, if you’re out there, this is for you
“But now I realize forever that you're my friend
No matter what you will never leave me to fend
I don't know much but I know we will be
As happy as a 1950's TV family
Except times infinity”
Love, Anonymous
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