Confessions From A Former Hopeless Romantic

Dear Thirteen-Year-Old Me,


You've just started dating. Yes, be proud. Most parents don't even let their kids do that until they are way older and better equipped to emotionally handle the inevitable rejection and jealousy that comes with being immature and fumbling around blindly in this thing we call 'love.' In many ways, you are a better version of a future lover/husband/partner than I am now at 28.

Why, you ask? Well, for starters, you're still vulnerable enough to actually put energy into a relationship. Sure, in about a year you're going to have your heart ripped out, stomped on, and shoved back into your face... but, you'll now know what it means to love someone. You'll fixate on this failed relationship years later. Probably to the point that it eventually cripples you. But, hey, you will also be the first guy you know to get laid, and isn't that a worthwhile trade-off?

You still believe in love. At 28, you no longer will. A few horrible break-ups will do that to you. First will be the girl in college you told that you needed a break to figure out the shit in your head. You'll want her back. You will never get her back. You'll be too cautious with your heart that you'll miss out on chances you should have taken. Take those chances.

You still believe in romance. At 28, you no longer will. At 16, you'll write poetic love letters detailing your heart's every desire. If any of your football buddies found these, they would ridicule you to no end. At 20, you'll write poems. You'll never share these. They will be too raw and personal that you'll fear what others might say about them. At 28, you'll be numb. Write the letters, because years later you'll wish you had kept doing it.

You believe true love is the greatest thing worth chasing. That it is the most important thing we can do with our lives. At 28, you'll constantly put your career before every single relationship. Including the first girl you actually truly believed you wanted to marry. After you breakup, you'll spend a year cursing yourself for not putting her first, and looking back and wondering why you didn't just go dancing with her more, because you are self-conscious about your dance skills, your body and that you think you're not good enough for her. Dance, like no one else is watching.

You still believe in grand gestures. At 28, you'll be tired even trying to imagine ever needing a grand gesture because every asshole with an art degree and a Handy-cam will have maxed out the Internet with romance porn. Flash mob proposal? Children's choir in Central Park? Name it, it'll probably have already been done.

Emotional pain will make you cry. Soon. Believe me. You'll hide it from people because you think it makes you weak but at 28, you won't even remember the last time you shed a tear. Especially when it pertains to a relationship. Your girlfriend (and soon-to-be ex) will say it's because your relationship lacks passion. You'll say it's just because you're more mature now than you used to be. Cry if you need to, and don't be ashamed (even if it's while watching The Notebook).

You're afraid to ask girls out in person. This one you don't have to worry about. At 28, you'll get to do all of this with your phone and a little thing called Facebook messenger. It'll make us all callous and tear down any boundaries we might have... then again, maybe that's not something that's good at 28 either. Ask the pretty girls out. And if/when they say no, just tell yourself they're all whores and you're too good for them.

You used to dream in fairy tales. That you’d meet a girl in college, fall in love, graduate, and marry her. You’d have kids by 25 or 26. A house. A dog. By 28, you’ll question the entire idea of marriage. After your best friend gets divorced and married twice. After your boss gets divorced. After your grandfather starts online dating. After a close friend breaks up with his live-in girlfriend. You’ll realize driving to work one day that you’ll never be married for 50 years like your grandparents were. You’ll be closing in on 30, still single, and you’ll realize that you probably won’t live to be 80, which means the window for marrying someone and lasting 50 years will become an antique ideal you likely will never achieve. There’s nothing you can do about that, and it’s not worth trying to. Shit will happen when it’s supposed to happen... But, you will get a really kick-ass dog.

Don't ever stop being 13, least in your heart. It's the only time you'll ever be truly honest with yourself... at least, until it's too late to be honest. Keep these few life lessons in mind and you'll probably be just fine. Girls like guys who can be manly but still in touch with their emotions at 28. Stay a child in your heart and the rest will take care of itself.

Love,
Anonymous