I Want A Superpower

When I was younger, up until about the age of 18, there were always a few things in life that bothered me. Among those things were, and in no particular order; high school, not understanding how things worked, girls, having to have a job and most of all  not being able to have a  superpower. You know, the kind of super power where you could read that stunning girl in your classes mind, did she like you or did she think you were a dick. Or the superpower where you had x-ray vision and you could peer through that stunning girls clothes as she sat in class thinking you were a dick…. you got the better of her there buddy! Or the one where you could turn invisible and sneak around watching pretty girls shower or the one where you could control people’s minds getting them to do whatever you want…. As you can probably tell this could go on for the entire blog in itself and most of the superpowers would revolve around girls or getting ridiculously rich, in which case then you get those pretty girls quite easily anyway.
    It was not until college that I realized that I did in fact, have a superpower. Thankfully, this was a superpower that was not going to get me arrested for sexual harassment or placed on the sex offenders registrar for sneaking into girls bathrooms to watch them shower. I have no doubt that if you scour that registrar you will find the Invisible Man in there somewhere. What was this superpower that took me 18 years to find you ask? It was the capacity to speak to girls in an authentic accent, have them hanging on my every word and occasionally dropping their panties.
    I should probably clear up that I moved to America from the United Kingdom (not telling you what part, but not the rubbish southern bit) when I was 18 to study. Up until then I had had success with girls but never on the same level that I was about to encounter due to my new found superpower. Quite literally, girls that I would never have even considered having a chance with, were dropping at my feet. Now I wouldn’t say I am ugly but I am certainly no Brad Pitt, and I know for a fact that it was this intriguing quirky accent that girls were finding so…. alluring, I guess would be the right word.
    It must be said that I was not the only person with this superpower and many of my foreign friends had the same experience with it. Often this ability tended to have the biggest effect on the same girls. A few select girls were known to have found their way into the same circle of guys with this incredible gift. Certain girls were immune to it, to others it was their kryptonite. These girls who were powerless to the accent could often be found in Irish Pubs dragging unsuspecting (wink wink) foreigners to the toilets as their superpower had once again worked its magic.
    One day of the year always yielded better results for me and my fellow men with an accent. March 17th. Mark it down on your calendar. Oh that’s right, it already is, St. Patricks day. It is on this hallowed day that even girls who were normally immune to the accent throughout the year became under its spell as the Guinness and whisky flowed. Threesomes would become regular occurrences, the 16d produced breakfast, lunch and dinner for a few men, a feat rarely accomplished. If you do not understand that analogy then shame on you! This was all down to having an accent and being slightly ballsy. Chicks dig it and we are more than happy to take full advantage.
    Girls are well aware of the powers that the accent holds. Many will question you in a bar as to whether you are really from such and such a place, ID has to be shown as proof (a passport is always a winner). Clearly, this shows that American men are well aware of the power of the accent as well, and if truth be told, some of them may be slightly jealous about it. Stories of men faking accents to get girls are common place, and I’ll be honest I have faked an accent before in my home country just to see the effect (it worked). I have nearly been in a couple of fights because girls will talk to me and my friends over American guys just because I have an accent, in that situation the superpower is a curse.
    At the end of the day the accent is an enigma, harking back to the beginning one of the other things that bothered me was not knowing how things work. Why is it that I have been blessed with such a superpower? What is it that makes women go weak at the knees at the dulcet tones of a Scottish, Irish and occasionally an English accent? Why do certain girls only go after guys with accents and do you grow out of it? Why do I automatically pay more attention to a girl when I hear that Georgia peach accent? Questions I am not sure I will ever find an answer to but right now I am happy with my superpower and the advantages that it gives me over the mere mortals.

Love, 

Anonymous